Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Gratitude for June 1/05

Hello! Today is vibrant with sunshine, and very warm, considering the forecast was for rain. My flowers and garden beds are loving the rays!

Today I am feeling very enthusiastic and optimistic. I am physically relaxed and calm. Wonderful feeling, just trying to savour and appreciate it.

Today I am grateful that after many, many months of scrimping and saving for membership dues, I am FINALLY a member of the Alliance For Arts and Culture. Woo-hoo! Curious? Check out their website at http://www.allianceforarts.com

I am further grateful for some insights, and a-ha moments that I will share. On Monday, Steve came home very cranky from work, and possibly looking to start a disagreement. My gratitude comes from implementing a new skill! Instead of reacting, getting defensive, getting angry and escalating, I gave him his space. I made it clear when I didn't like how I was being spoken to, and would take a time out to "give him his space" as necessary. This may not sound like something to be grateful for, but as a person who has always been very reactive in life, for me, it felt like a huge milestone! I am very proud of myself.

I have also realized that it is the moment that I stop looking for the positive in situations, and my life in general, that the darkness of depression begins to creep forward again. I am recognizing that I have to DAILY make the effort to balance my emotional mindset. I can't rely on automatic pilot, it doesn't work that way for me. I am very grateful that I have put these to pieces together.

Lastly, I am very grateful that I have figured out that depression comes and goes. The more I fight it's arrival, and struggle against it's presence, it seems to grow stronger in energy. I also tire from trying to fend off it's existence. Instead, by just accepting the feeling, allowing it to wash over me, I now know, that just like the tide, it rises, but also falls back into the horizon. I am not going to try to fend off the dark moods, instead appreciating that it is a cycle. To greet the darkness "oh yes, here you are again. Come, stand next to me," it's presence within my days don't seem as lengthy. I suppose it is all about cycles.

Hope this all made sense, it certainly did to me. Let's see if I continue to work with, and implement, these personal insights.

Peace be with us all,