»

Sunday, April 24, 2005

yikes

I came home from work tonight, and fed the fish. It is a brilliant purple, Siamese fighting fish, long feathery fins flowing like the graceful hem of a gown being carried in the wind. The fish must have been hungry, or irritated, likely hungry, because when he/she saw the food, it leaped up, snapping- like a shark, actually breaking the surface of the water, and it took down the freeze dried grub worms that were just bobbing innocently on the surface. The fish's head continued to shake, side gills flared, sleek bullet shaped body, wrestling with it's kill.

I stood there, watching with surprise, and it occurred to me that this bizarre demonstration by the fish reminded me of my last post.

For the last couple of days, that post has been my every second thought, I feel like a child who has done bad and is waiting for the parents response. The silence has been deafening, piercing...

I hope my words, well- I don't even know how to finish this sentence. So I won't.

But I felt very strongly that I should come, blog again, and change the tone, to one less hostile, less toxic. Oh the range of human emotions, it is a roller coaster isn't it? Or maybe it's just me, that wouldn't surprise me. I always have had a temper, and a vicious tongue.

Perhaps instead of Walking With Krystin it should be Pandora's Box- please leave lid on!

I have an appointment with my counsellor tomorrow, looks like that will be a good thing for me, yet you know the appointment rolls around, and it's difficult to decide what of all things to discuss, like a sort of performance anxiety.

1 comments:

SkyMoma said...

I want to thank you for sharing your feelings so openly. It must have been difficult to be so vulnerable and honest.

Don't apologize for your emotions - no matter how real, painful, angry or hostile they are. They are yours to own and they are valid and true simply for being a part of you. If others can't hear your feelings when you name them - that is their problem.

Of course, it is hard to hear someone else's pain. But silencing your pain out of courtesy to others does not enlighten anyone. And it certainly doesn't give anyone an opportunity to grow, or rise to the occasion, or become a better person.