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Oh My ACHIN' Pancreas Brain!

Some of you may know that my youngest daughter is a type 1 diabetic. She was diagnosed 08/09/10 at age six. She is insulin dependent, relying on insulin injections for the past sixteen months, and recently moving on to an insulin pump.

I'm going to take this opportunity to explain a little bit about type 1 diabetes, in an effort to let you understand the real meaning in this piece.

Type 1 diabetes is unlike the diabetes you hear about in the media. This is likely not the diabetes that your middle aged neighbour got last month.

Type 1 diabetes is an auto-immune disease. It is unpreventable. It is incurable. It is for life. It IS potentially life threatening. The consequences of mismanagement are ongoing and unnerving.

It is theorized that a child that spontaneously develops type 1 diabetes, with no family history, likely experienced a significant virus sometime in the six weeks prior to diagnosis. Rowan was diagnosed with Hand, Foot and Mouth disease July 4th. I remember her covered in tiny blisters, so unbelievably uncomfortable. Me never knowing that her pancreas was a ticking time bomb.

It is theorized that while her immune system was attacking this virus, it became confused. For whatever reason it attacked and destroyed the insulin producing cells of her pancreas.

She did not get this from eating too many cupcakes. I did not pour sugar down her throat as an infant (and I say that with a smile on my face, just for your reference). She was not lazy and sedentary. She was, and is, an active, fun loving child. Well.... she was. Until she began exhibiting symptoms.

Doesn't this sound like a great time for me to touch on some of those symptoms? Look at it this way, I had no idea what was wrong with Rowan when she first started getting sick. Maybe if I had known the clues, had some inkling as to what I was staring in the face, I could have gotten her help sooner. Had I known something was so excruciatingly wrong.

Symptoms of Type 1 Diabetes:

Increased and unquenchable thirst
increased urination
lethargy
paleness
purple circles under the eyes
extreme weight loss
increased appetite
headaches
tingling in the limbs
fruity smelling breath
seizures
coma

This piece came about, because in the course of managing my daughter's disease, much of my life, my knowledge, has been put to the side.

Bizarre knowledge that I never thought I would know now fills my mind: that 1 unit of fast acting insulin will cover 30 grams of carbohydrates. That one unit of fast acting insulin will lower her blood glucose levels by 6 mmol/L. That 1 cup of blueberries equals 15 carbohydrates. That ten french fries at McDonalds equals 15 carbohydrates. That the two pieces bread for her school lunches are approximately 20 grams of carbohydrates. That lollipop she wants so badly: 8 grams of carbohydrates.

Yet I can't recite my telephone number without having to turn to my ten year old daughter for validation.

The brain in this piece has been replaced by a pancreas. That is much of what I am.... an artificial pancreas for my child. That hovering that I try so hard not to do with her, her lifeline. The winds of change blow fast and furious with type 1 diabetes.... hence the weather vein.

Ten percent of all diabetics are type 1. But of that ten percent of diabetics, 90% are children. Canada has the 6th highest incidence of type 1 diabetes in the world. The greatest increase has been in children ages 4-9. Preschooler's account for 5% of all type 1 diabetics.

Knowledge is power. It is my hope that by sharing my knowledge, I can help you recognize a child needing medical help. Hope I can spare you being told "I'm glad you brought her in when you did, another four hours and you likely would have lost her".

My daughter will not outgrow this disease. She will not mysteriously heal herself. A pancreas transplant is not an option. An insulin pump is not a cure (did you know that the insertion sites of an insulin pump must be changed every three days? Two guesses who does that. Yup!)

My beautiful daughter is too young to manage this disease on her own. She's learning. In age appropriate steps. She has the rest of her life to learn how to manage this disease. For now, it is me. Hoping to lessen her burden, and she strengthens her wings in her pursuit and desire to learn to fly for herself.

I have heard of 70 year old women, with an adult diabetic child, and those women can hear in their son's voices if they have low blood sugars. That will be me and my girl. Our journey together, til death do us part.

Thanks for listening to me ramble on. Diabetes is one of my more passionate subject. Especially type 1!

"OH MY ACHIN' PANCREAS BRAIN!!"

The Art of Krystin Goodsell

"Shadows Looming"

When one experiences disaster, or sudden dramatic illness or profound change, there is a point in time when the shadows of change loom heavy in the air, without realizing it, until the floor has fallen out from beneath.

That period of time is what "Shadows Looming" (24 x 36 acrylic canvas) is all about. The weeks before Rowan (7) was diagnosed with Type One Diabetes (aka insulin dependent diabetes, aka juvenile diabetes, aka brittle diabetic). Rowan was slowly shutting down, her pancreas already broken, but none of it had yet come to our attention.

The soldiers of Type One Diabetes were preparing for battle.... and we had no idea.

DX Age 6

DX Age 6 is an assemblage piece paying tribute to the changes in my family's life since the diagnosis of my youngest daughter of a type one diabetic.

This piece contains many tiny areas of interest, each drawer pulls open to reveal a statistic regarding type one diabetes.

I invite you to visit the full album of DX Age 6, and check out some of the more easily missed details:

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150337248197346.371931.8375502345&saved#!/pages/Krystin-Goodsell/8375502345

Thank you for your interest and your ongoing support. Wishing a lifetime of good health for your loved ones.

Creative Wishes,

Krystin Goodsell
www.diabeticdiagnosis.blogspot.com

Work In Progress

If you were to walk into my kitchen right now, you'd know something was certainly up.

For sitting atop a folding table is three quarters of a human form. Upright.

I am in the process of creating a papier-mache sculpture to the exact measurements of my youngest daughter Rowan, aged 7.

The final goal to be a life sized figure of my seven year old daughter. Spray painted white. Then covered in one year's worth of used syringes. Syringes required everyday as life sustaining therapy to my wee daughter, who is a type one diabetic.

Think that'll make a statement?

Until then... everytime I walk into the kitchen (unfortunately) I see this looming figure and it scares the junk outta me. You'd think with all the time I've put into the project thus far, I'd remember it was there.

Earth without "art"

All Hallows Eve

"All Hallows Eve"
mixed media canvas
7" x 7"

Donated to the Mission Arts Centre for their Halloween festivities.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=hp#!/event.php?eid=265029556845833

Walking Wounded

We are the walking wounded

Silently navigating hospital corridors

Overhead flourescents illuminating our exhaustion

Highlighting tired eyes and tear stained cheeks.

We are the walking wounded

Wearing masks of bravery for our children's sake

Cheap facades crumbling easily when little ones sleep

Heavy hearts needing comfort away from children's eyes and ears.

We are the walking wounded

Witnessing our children's howls and wails

Wearing their pain as though it were our own

Vain attempts to lessen their burdens.

I am, indeed, walking wounded.

The diagnosis does not wear my name

But by marking my daughter as one of it's own

My spirit has been forever be scarred.

Yet we, the walking wounded, keep on walking.

Picking up the pieces

Kissing injection sites and offering cheap distractions

All the while wanting to sacrifice ourselves for their sake.

But we can't.... and so we keep on walking.

Walking though wounded

One foot, then the other

Wearing brave faces.

Just for them.

Always.

"Grateful Heart"

"Grateful Heart"

20 x 20

acrylic canvas

Donated to "Rowan's Recruits" benefitting the TELUS Walk to Cure Diabetes.

Every walker registered with Rowan's Recruits, and for every donation over $20 will have the opportunity to win this painting.

www.jdrf.ca/walk

They Could Really Use A Wish

Usually I try very hard to keep my diabetic posts at their proper home: "Adventures In Parenting A Diabetic" but I'm particularly fond of this l'il video of mine, and all the brave happy faces included within it.

If you'd like to make a donation to "Rowan's Recruits" for our 10K journey on the Telus Walk To Find A Cure, please visit: http://jdrfca.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&eventID=981&participantID=90886

You are also able to register to walk as a part of Rowan's Recruits at that link.

And on behalf of the 250 million diabetics world wide, and especially on behalf of my seven year old l'il diabetic wonder: "Thank you!!!"

Gypsy Wagon Zine (Spring 2011 Issue)

The Spring 2011 Issue of the Gypsy Wagon Zine is *finally* finished and ready to visit the printer..... come visit us at: http://gypsywagonzine.blogspot.com/

2011 Visual Art Journal

I have been working on the same visual art journal for the last four years. It was originally a college level mathematics textbook, and is more than 800 pages. I am maybe halfway through altering it with recollections of my journey.

But a New Year looms large ahead of us, and after reflecting on the journal for a bit, I came to the conclusion that it is time to move onto a new book. Don't get me wrong.... I love that journal, it is nearly a chronological record of my last few years. The happy, and the sad are detailed in that book... including death, divorce and a sexual assault. Today, as I look happily towards the coming year and what lays before me, I know it is time to gently put that book to rest, and to move onto a new chapter in my life. The *current* chapter.

I have come to the conclusion that I have a thing for textbooks. Maybe some post-adolescent academic angst or something, who knows. But I picked up a spiral bound text book at the local thrift store for a dollar. I decided to work with a spiral bound book this time, as with my previous journal, the farther into the centre of the book I delved, the beginning pages were beginning to loosen. Only time will tell if I have more luck with the spiral bound.

In the meantime, here is the cover of the newest journal, as well as some excerpts. Happy Holidaze!

Displayed Pages:

1) Cover of new journal "Art Of Becoming"

2) 2011 Mind Map. I don't "resolve" I plot, slowly and persistently.

3) "I Believe In Me"

4) "There's Something Growing There"

5) Untitled tree

Evolution Of A Painting....

A Tribute To The Tick-Tick-Ticking Of My Biological Clock

Now don't get me wrong. I am not completely baby-crazy. I love and adore the two little girls that I have the privellege of calling my daughters. But somewhere, deep amidst the biological ooze, my cells seem to have been stamped with the biblical quote "be fruitful, and multiply....".

I have known for quite sometime that I am finished with the baby days of my lifetime. Until the day that I am bestowed with grandchildren. However, my womb sometimes mourns that it will never feel the movement of another child growing. I look at my beautiful little girls and wonder about the son that I always wanted, but never arrived.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my children or my life for anything. So I'm amazed how strongly some of us are programmed to breed. Let's face it, since my youngest was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes in August I am more than done! Prince Charming could gallop along my side on his steed, promising the sun, the moon and the stars, and I still wouldn't have the time or interest for a baby. Who can have a baby when you're testing blood sugars four times a day and wrestling a six year old to the ground twice a day to administer an insulin injection.

So here it is. My tribute to my biological clock. Long may it tick! But could it please do so quietly???

Another New Art Journal Entry

"One day when I am old and gray
My withered body considering decay,
If single I have chosen to stay
At least I can contentedly say
I lived each aspect of life my way...
And didn't take much shit from anybody."

KCG 2010

New Visual Journal Entry

I will not bellow just to be heard

Nor will I be walked upon.

I will not be owned.

A Mother's Struggle To Cope

I have added some of my visual art journal pages to "Adventures In Parenting A Diabetic" simply because they are all my processing and trying to come to terms with this new overwhelming presence in our lives.

Hope you'll have a peak.... www.diabeticdiagnosis.blogspot.com